Tuesday, April 06, 2010

Revelations...Not Really

Hello Reader.  So I'm in the mood to share today.  I've already posted an excerpt, so no I won't be sharing more pages from my novel with you.  I will however be posting my newest query letter.  Comments, critiques, suggestions?  All are welcome.  What I want to know is...from this query are you interested?  I tried to do something different than what I've seen from other queries (that have gotten their books published) mainly because I'm trying so damn hard to combat the science fiction stigma.  I am not a science fiction writer, I am a storyteller.   The query letter is after the jump.

The Proxy Wars: Dramatis Personae has an immortal mentor, named Amar, his young and impressionable student, Briok Cwartel, multiple aliens, dangerous mafias, and a purple spaceship.  But this is no science fiction novel. 

Briok’s story, and that of his mentor Amar, is not about aliens and spaceships. It is about real people with real faults thrown into a boiling pot of fantasy surrealism.  During the years 3096-3097, on the island nation of Atlantis, Amar desperately attempts to rid himself of his immortality.  Embroiled in a war between the alien Mags and Howlas, the only option in his weary, wrinkled eyes is the genocide of the Howlas.  He must teach his newest, and last, student Briok Cwartel the art of murdering in the name of righteousness.

While doing this, 14 year-old Briok begins his journey through adolescence.  Already afraid of Lara Heken’s butterfly-inducing gaze, he must now worry about Howla swords cutting him in half. But nothing will abate his thirst to find the Howlamega: leader of the Howlas and murderer of his father, the Magna Beast.

Standing in his way is Tory Cross, a young mafia warlord recently overcome with a lust for revenge.  Betrayed by his own mentor, left behind by his brother, and attacked from all sides Tory embarks on a mad quest for power that threatens Briok’s life and Amar’s well-laid plans.

I am currently a second-year student attending UCLA.  This is the first in a planned series of novels I hope to publish – depending of course on good fortune and hard work. I hope you can represent my novel, and I would be happy to send you the full manuscript or partial as soon as possible. I appreciate the time you have given in reading this query, as I know you must be incredibly busy.  I hope to hear from you soon.

There it is.  Until next time then.


  1. Anonymous9:56 AM

    In my opinion, you should change some of the characters' names and don't talk about "purple spaceships." The names suggest some kind of parody, or that you aren't making these characters to be serious humans. Biork seems a lot like Bjork, which in turn reminds me of that fat obese guy stalking a creepy European artist who then killed himself on webcam while displaying his small penis in full glory to the interwebs.

    Magna Beast, and Howlamega also seem out of place and maybe a bit childish, which does make sense seeing as how you said you conceived of these words as a child. Maybe reading some of Tolkien's letters on creating languages/names might help you.

    The overall themes and surmise seem interesting enough. Just try to make it seem as serious and gravitous as it really is. The names go a long way.

  2. Anonymous10:03 AM

    Also, why is an Italian word, "mafia," representing some guido thugs in here with a character with an Eastern European name who has a Spanish named mentor?

  3. I appreciate the comments Anonymous! Unfortunately, I do not think the names will ever change. They are much too ingrained in the storyline. They all do mean something, I promise you. Briok is a rearrangement of a Polish saint's name, known to be generous. Amar is Hindu for forever. Magna Beast, well it means great beast. Howlamega refers to the Howlamega being great Howla, or greatest among Howlas. They do seem childish, you're completely correct. But Frodo seems no less childish, as well as its rhyming counterpart Bilbo. Replace one letter in there, and you have a completely different word.

    Also, I've been trying to come up with a different word for mafias that keeps in line with my rough sketch of what I want the Howla language to sound like. Unfortunately, I havent been able to come up with anything satisfying. So I'm keeping it as Howlas for now.

    By the way, who's name is Spanish? Not Amar's, although there may be a word in Spanish relating to it. Anyways, thanks so much for giving your time to this post! I do appreciate it. I will take out the purple spaceships, it does seem to be stretching my point a bit.

  4. I'm keeping it as *mafias for now. Sorry!