Monday, October 04, 2010

You Are Who You Are Because You Say Who You Are

Hello Reader!  My titles as of late have been random brain spasms, replacing the well-thought out titles I develop in my head over the weekend.  I think they sound cool, what do you think?  Anyways, this week's title does mean something (as I hope you've noticed all of them do).  Several times this past month or so, people friends have told me I'm one thing...and then quickly find out I'm another.  Psychoanalysis this is not.  I'm actually going to relate this to the ongoing legend of my work in progress.  Ready, set, go.

There's a dualism to my work, something I've been trying to escape for a while now.  Science fiction is where I start the novel.  In fact, it's where most of this story takes place.  Not because I'm asking questions about what will happen when a certain technology is invented.  Or because I'm pondering the mysteries attached to the "oncoming" technological singularity.  I use science fiction as an excuse to create my own history, giving each of the character's actions weight and definition amongst a rich, vibrant context.

Just one example of how the book is one thing...but really another.  Relate it to me?  Most of my friends think I'm an extrovert.  Not true, and never will it be true.  I need time alone - lots of it - in order to recharge my batteries and be the exuberant man I am.  Or they seem to think I'm a superficial asshole, only capable of making jokes and mocking folks.  (Whoa, that was weird).  Are these two blogs not proof that I have insecurities abounding, most of which are self-inflicted and remnants of elementary school fears?

Obviously not.  I am who I am because I say who I am.  And I don't act like the worried sap that I actually am.  What do I do about this?  I could paint my eyes black and buy a new wardrobe.  Or I could continue on the way I'm going, spilling the abstract Dadaism of my soul onto the canvas that is this book.  Its dualism is a reflection of my own, its indifference to traditional genre boundaries not only a product of my sloppy writing but also my frenetic, rapid-fire brain.

Really, there wasn't a point to this.  Any of it.  I'm stalling because I've got massive writer's block.  I've literally run into a huge hole in my story.  Or rather, I'm trying to fill a hole that I've created and it's killing me slowly.  I wanted to lengthen the book, make it feel more like the epic that it is in my mind.  Maybe I'm just being too rigid?  Certain events that are occurring later on in the story...could happen now?  There isn't a timeline etched in stone is there?  Not really.  Or I could expand to ridiculous lengths the storyline of the mafia.  I mean, there's a rich tale to be told there.  Or introduce the Mahabura earlier? Or even give readers a bigger slice of the Atlantian lifestyle through a teenagers' eyes?

Dadaism of the rapid-fire brain.  I'm telling you, I'm a frenetic mess of ideas and babbling incoherence ready to burst at the seams.  Hmm, maybe my personality isn't so far off from what others say after all?  You become who you are because you say who you are.  Much better title.  Until next time then.

2 comments:

  1. gah! i shouldn't have mentioned that I figured you as an E, especially since I've had the same thing happen to me, except people assume that I'm introverted -

    - and i swear i don't see you as superficial jerk

    so i may or may not have been the tip of the iceberg for this post, but either way, i'll stop being a creeper now [:

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  2. This sounds like that poem I wrote. Lol.

    But you know, my own two-cents on the subject?
    We are nothing, yet we can be everything. Who we are changes day to day and we are seen differently through the eyes of other people. Because, what really defines who we are in the eyes of other people? Their experiences with us, their memories and how they perceive those memories and experiences. To one person, you could be the ultimate jackass, while to another, you could be the nicest guy in the world. In the end, you just are and their interpretation is their interpretation.

    Humans. In reality, you're all actually quite alone in this world. Just enjoy it while it lasts.

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