Recently, I've revamped my query letter. The summary portion of the novel is pasted below. Again, tell me what you think of it, bring your honest criticism, don't be afraid to be harsh. I really do appreciate it. What I'm looking for are answers to two simple questions: A) Does it get you interested? B) Do you want to read more? Thank you for spending a part of your day to consider this.
The novel centers on Amar, immortal mentor to the Magna Beasts - monarchs of the alien Mags. Opposed to them are the Howlas who are led by their counterparts to the Magna Beasts, the Howlamegas. The long running holy war between the two species arrives on Earth in 2015. More than a thousand years later in 3096 the last Magna Beast has arisen on the island country of Atlantis. Dramatis Personae focuses on Amar's attempts to train the young Briok Cwartel. As he grapples with his new pupil's adolescence, Amar also searches desperately for a way to end the war, and thereby his troubled life as well.
Meanwhile, Howlian mafias have risen to prominence within the country's power structure. At the apex of their power, the largest boss Howard Crim betrays his protege Tory Cross. Enraged, the young Tory wages war against both Atlantis and his former mentor using the recently invented laser gun. His blind bid for power threatens not only to rip apart his soul, but everything Amar has worked for.
There you go. I worked damn hard to distill the story within those two paragraphs. Honestly, every book I've read about queries has said to distill the story even further. But I've read several query letters that got agents not only interested in the product, but also ended up starting authors on their careers. They've all had longer summaries than my two short paragraphs. So, hopefully this is good enough for them. Anyways, it's late, and I've got to wake up before sunrise because I'm a food vampire now. Ramadan does that to you. Until next time then.